


Alone Together

by ExoticGhosts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Slash, ft two socially inept boys trying to hold a serious emotional conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28982151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExoticGhosts/pseuds/ExoticGhosts
Summary: "So why did you stay with them for so long?" Harry whispered, as if being too loud would somehow break the spell that they were under, ruining his chances at getting to know the blond in front of him.--In which Draco tells Harry why, exactly, he stayed with the Death Eaters until the very end.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Alone Together

**Author's Note:**

> A Drarry fic? In the year of our lord and savior, 2021? More likely than you think. I had my friend beta this and they said that it was very self-projecty of me. SO thats about where I am mentally. Please see the notes at the end for possible cws.

"So why did you stay with them for so long?" Harry whispered, as if being too loud would somehow break the spell that they were under, ruining his chances at getting to know the blond in front of him.

They were sitting in the grass by the lake. At this point, the sun had long since set. The dirt was cool below them, the grass slowly becoming wet with dew. The water lapped softly along the shore. Draco's gaze was fixed on the lake. He picked at his nails.

"You don't have to answer that." Harry added as the silence stretched on.

"No, it's a valid question." Draco sighed, "One I wish I had an answer to."

Harry nodded. He turned to the lake as well. The silence blanketed them as the stars became brighter and brighter. An owl was hooting somewhere across the water. They could hear the buzz of students sitting down for supper inside the school.

The dark-haired boy -- not a man, because despite these last few years being at the forefront of a war, 18 was still 18 and he was still too young to be anything _but_ a boy -- had nearly forgotten he had asked a question when Draco spoke again.

"I suppose I wanted to feel important. To belong. I grew up being told that we were better than muggles. Better than muggle-borns. Our lives were more important. We contributed more. We had built a whole society by hand and muggles just... Leeched off of our hard work.

"I was told that our blood, our way of life was something _valuable_ and worth protecting no matter what.

"I don't think I really had a chance to develop my own personality as a child. I just clung onto this idea. It made me feel like I was a part of something greater than myself. That I was valuable and that I had a purpose. To protect my family.

"When... When the Dark Lord came back and my family got involved, I followed them without hesitation. I thought it was right. And then I saw the horrors that they -- _we_ \-- were committing, looked victims in the eye, and I realized it was wrong. What I had been told was dangerous. A lie. An _excuse_.

"But I stayed because I didn't want to lose my family. I didn't want to become unimportant or ordinary. So I stayed.

"I don't know what finally made me snap. It wasn't the threat of being transformed into a werewolf. It wasn't the torture or the death. Not even when they captured you... Sorry."

"That's okay. I didn't feel bad when I used _Sectumsempura_ on you, so we're even." Harry said without thinking and immediately regretted it when Draco swallows thickly and shifts away from him just a hair.

"Yeah." The blond cleared his throat. "As I was saying, I don't know when it exactly became too much for me but it did. My skin started to itch whenever I was at the Manor. My stomach turned at the sight of my parents, our house-elves, the Dark Lord's gang. Like the flip of a switch, I went from wanting to serve Him to wanting to kill Him. Or just running as far away as I possibly could. But I never had the chance. Not until the Final Battle. But by then, it was too late. Everyone in the Wizarding World knew what my family had done. What _I_ had done."

Draco swallowed again. He turned back to Harry, giving a sardonic smile.

"I regret it so much. And I hate myself for... For everything that I had done and had allowed to happen in my past. I can't even put into words how much I hate myself for it, Harry. And I know I don't deserve forgiveness, but everyone's hatred isn't making me feel any better."

Harry hummed. He thought for a moment before chosing his words. "I think there's a long road to forgiveness ahead. For yourself and everyone else."

Draco scoffed, "No shite."

"But I think it's possible. And I can help you make amends, if you'll let me."

Draco looked away again, pointedly avoiding eye contact. He turned to the sky, naming constallations in his head until the weird feeling in his chest went away. "Of all people, of course it's _you_ that wants to help." He said.

Harry huffed. "Is it my turn to have an emotional monologue now?"

"Fuck off."

Harry laughed. Draco smirked. The conversation paused, both of their smiles slowly disappearing.

"You're the only person who really understands." Harry said. "Hermione and Ron, they try, but they don't get it. Everyone thinks that now that the war is over, we can just go back to normal but we can't. I've been struggling with it a lot. You have, too. But it seems like everyone else is doing just fine. But we... Both of us did things we regret. Things that will scar us for the rest of our lives. We've both been seriously fucked up.

"Obviously for very different reasons, but still. We're like two sides of the same coin. And I think if we work together and help each other, it'll turn out okay. Does that make sense?"

The blond blinked at him a few times before he slowly says, "I think I get what you're saying?"

Harry smiled. He scooted over towards the other, leaning against his shoulder. Their fingers brush together. "Good."

**Author's Note:**

> CW: mentions of death, torture, bad parenting, and pretty much everything that goes along with y'know, draco's experiences with his family/death eaters.


End file.
